You may think I’m weird, but I don’t really care if I don’t get flowers on Valentine’s Day. Or candy. Or diamonds. Or even a dinner out.

Yes, I realize I’m taking a big risk in admitting this. After all, greeting card companies—and florists and restaurants and jewelers and chocolate factories (Sorry Willie Wonka) may boycott my blog after this!

But I would prefer something to all these grand, tangible gestures of love and commitment and affection. I prefer that my husband love me all year long. 

My husband, Bret, and me–not on Valentine’s Day

Bret and I first discussed this concept when my son, Charlie, was born. Nearly 22 years ago, I hurt his feelings when he brought me roses to celebrate. Seeing the dejected look on his face, I asked him what was wrong.

“Well, I did this nice thing, but you don’t seem to care that much about it.”

Clearly, Lucy, I had some ‘splaining to do. “It’s not that I don’t like it. Roses just costs so much money. And I’d rather spend our money on going out somewhere together than on flowers that will be dead in three days.”

After a lot of talking, we reached a place of mutual understanding. We both feel like this: While romantic gestures are fine, they shouldn’t replace daily love, respect, commitment, communication, affection, nurturing . . . Do I really need to go on?

When we use chocolates and flowers and jewelry as a fallback, we really disrespect those we promised the world to! When we haven’t had an intimate conversation with our spouse in over a month about something other than work or the kids’ schedules, we don’t deserve to be let off the hook by showing up with a dozen roses.

Love me well the other 354 days of the year, please. That’s what I really want.

So, choose wisely what you plan to do tomorrow. While it’s perfectly fine to adhere to the Most Overblown Romantic Holiday of the Year, do so only if you will also resolve to be romantic on other days. Do so only if you’re willing to listen to your mate discuss politics or car engines or free agents whenever he feels the need. Do so only if you will willingly commit to weekly (or even monthly to start) date nights that will help nurture and complete your marriage. Do so only if you show up in the little things: family dinners, long walks, holding hands in the car, attending church together.

Happy Loving Your Mate Day—today and every day!